The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Wow! I love the way you showed the topic besides using it in your text. You did well with the characterization and dialogue and suspense.
Very well done!
I'm in awe. So on topic, so well written, crafted, and such a satisfying conclusion. Thank you for such an inspiring, believable story.
This is a great story. Your opening pulled me in right away. You do a nice job of developing the characters. Be careful of POV shifts. You were inside the head of both characters. Instead, show the story from the MC's POV and describe what he sees. For example instead of saying he's a big burly guy, maybe do something like: He tightened his muscles, feeling his arms bulge from his shirt as he sneered down at the woman. "Give me your money!"
Stepping back when she didn't crumble, he didn't even see the knife she'd whipped out until she was stabbing it into his side.
That's just a quick example to show you what I mean. You've a great start on showing and not telling. The more you write, the easier it will be to stay in just the MC's head. I think you did a nice job of showing the topic. Your message is a clear, strong Christian message. The story flows nicely. I enjoyed it and look forward to reading more of your stories.
Beautifully written and such a powerful message.
Loved this!

God bless~
Wow! I really enjoyed this story- it flowed smoothly.