The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
01/10/19
Sweet story and I think many people can relate to the urge to spend money or do something else when they don't know what is wrong.

Small quibble - it is 'some day' not 'someday'. You would not write oneday, or everyday, but one day or every day.
01/10/19
Great job with the topic and well done overall, truly enjoyed this! Thank you.

God bless~
01/10/19
Good story. Most of the dialogue was really believable. Just a little stilted towards the end. This phrase needs a fix: '. . . my cup hid the tears from my voice or my face.' But all in all, good writing.
01/10/19
I like a lot of dialog so I particularly liked your entry. It draws the reader into the conversation enough that we readers want to add our comments, too. I love your honesty in writing about the desert spot we sometimes find ourselves in, our reluctance to admit it, and finally opening ourselves up to receiving an answer for our current emptiness. You write well and I hope to see you moving on up to Advanced and Masters.
01/11/19
I like the point of this story. Any one of us can try to fill that void with other things, so this message has a wide audience. Good job. Keep writing.
01/12/19
The story is on topic. Compulsive shopping is common in today's society. I enjoyed the conversation between these friends.

I am reading the book, Self-editing for Fiction Writers by Renni Browne and Dave King.

I have the following suggestions:

1. Don't begin your story
with dialog and
introduce Gen right away.

2. Resist the urge to
explain [RUE].
Just let the character's
actions speak for
themselves. For example:
"I knew my friend was
right."

3. Gen seems too educated
to use the word, "ain't"

4. Make sure to start a
new paragraph each time
the speaker changes. At
times,I had trouble
distinguishing between
the two characters.

Your writing shows promise. I look forward to reading more of your work.
I love the interactions at the store!
01/17/19
Congrats!
God Bless~