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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: TEACH (11/29/18)
“How did it get to this point?” I asked myself as I looked around the room. It seemed as if time had fast forwarded decades. I watched a couple of people as they slowly shuffled by, walking back and forth with no place to go. There were others starring at the television, but not really watching. Two gentlemen were arguing while one woman sat rocking back and forth singing to a baby doll. As I looked down the hallway, I noticed a tiny little lady going from door to door calling out someone’s name. She never seemed to find who she was looking for. Rolling himself from one side of the room to the other, this large burly man went from person to person asking for directions home. The thing that made me choke up every time I saw her, was this sweet lady ringing her hands, with big crocodile tears rolling down her face. She was scared and wanted to go home, but this was home…home to them all.

A familiar cough got my attention and I turned around, “Here you go daddy, let me wipe your mouth.” He smiled and said, “Thank you doll!” He couldn’t remember my name, but he knew my face. Somehow, he knew that I was family and belonged with him. I came by to see him two or three times a week. I couldn’t leave him alone even though he wasn’t able to comprehend his current surroundings. I tried to make sure family was around most of the time. I hated that he had to be there, but after trying everything my brothers and I could possibly try, there was no other choice. Daddy’s safety had become a real concern. We lovingly called him Houdini, though it was no joking matter.

After my mother had a stroke, we all became her caregivers. Her thinking was altered and most everyday she would say that she needed to go home. It could be a real struggle keeping her from going out the door! She’d repeat herself over and over when she’d try to have a conversation. This kind of thing, day in and day out, can grow heavy on a person’s nerves. That’s when my daddy began saying that he hoped the Lord would take him up to heaven before losing his ability to think clearly. We both had our patience tested many times throughout her illness but I’m so grateful I was there in her time of need! It was a very difficult time and I thought surely there had to be a lesson in this somehow…there just had to be!

Remembering back on this once strong, 30-year army veteran daddy of mine, I had asked myself, “Why doesn’t God call these people home?” Not being able to think clearly, some could do nothing at all for themselves, what possible plan could God have for these helpless individuals? I’ve heard others ask this same question. My answer came shortly after moving daddy into a memory care facility. In the beginning he could get around well and could feed and bathe himself with help. Then he, like most of the others, went downhill. He wasn’t living in the present anymore. At first, I’d try to correct him, thinking I could jog his memory, but that was the wrong thing to do. It only confused him more and sometimes brought him to tears. Watching my daddy cry was heartbreaking to say the least, so I decided to be in his world when I visited. It made him happy talking about things that happened decades ago that he believed was happening right then. There were tears when he wasn’t looking but I learned to laugh with daddy while he could! Everyday wasn’t all sunshine but there was less sadness in his eyes from me trying to correct him.

Daddy has been gone a year now, and I can still see his face light up when I’d walk into the room! Through my daddy, God needed to teach me more love, compassion and patience. Although we may not understand why people aren’t simply called home to glory when they can’t think or do for themselves anymore, God has shown me that most of the time it’s for the benefit of others. This experience changed my life for the better. I now go out of my way to help and visit the elderly…to show them kindness, compassion and patience. I’ve learned to endure. I’ve learned to love!
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This article has been read 403 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Marlene Custer 
12/06/18
You conveyed so well the heartache of losing a loved one before they actually leave this world. Many of us can relate to what you have shared.
Larry Whittington
12/07/18
I would like to see this printed in a mental health magazine.

Many more people would get to read and benefit from your words.

Your painful experience will benefit many.
Terrie Ellington 
12/07/18
Beautifully written! My mother and father are both 77 years old and still living alone. My family and I are learning how to best care for them as they age. You story has blessed me in many ways.
Carolyn Ahrens
12/07/18
Larry, I too would love to see this printed in places that could reach more people. I feel I could help others understand and cope better, for those going through this heartbreaking issue. I have many more stories on this subject that need to be told. The most important thing we must learn is to laugh with them when you can, because there are so many more times you'll cry. Create the good memories in these tough times because you'll cherish them when they are gone! God Bless all who have parents with dementia.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
12/13/18
This is a powerful article. You pulled me in right away. Your description tugged at my heart. My only red ink is crocodile tears are usually fake crying, but I sensed this woman was truly distressed. You did a fine job of pulling the topic in at the end while delivering a message many need to hear and understand. You touched my heart.