Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: ASKEW (06/07/18)
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TITLE: Ye old antique shop | Previous Challenge Entry
By Page Alexanda
06/11/18 -
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After spending some time looking around I thought I would wander over to one of the antique places as I was looking for a rocking chair for my bedroom. There was one particular store that I was interested in which was quite antiquated and I had been in there lots of times before just to browse. This time I knew I had a purpose and so off to the other side of the cobbled street I went.
Country Antiques was the name of the shop. As I drew nearer I noticed a sign on the window saying staff wanted and this caught my interest, so I read on. The manager was looking for sales staff three mornings a week – hmmm interesting. Well this was right up my street and thankfully I had my resume with me which I always kept a couple of copies in my purse as you never knew when one might be needed. I walked into the store and had a look around quickly. There were antiques everywhere and some items were also askew and looked as if they might topple over at any moment.
Anyways, I went to the main desk where the Manager was whom I knew and told him I was interested in the vacancy. He said that he was only thinking about me that morning when he put the notice up on the window and was thinking about giving me a call. Well I had obviously saved him the bother. I gave him my resume which he looked through quickly. He said as he knew me that he felt I would be the right person for the job and offered it to me there on the spot.
The hours would be 9am – 1pm whereby I would just be telling customers about the various pieces of antiques he had in store including many interesting pieces of Jewelry. He asked if I could start the following Monday of which I said yes that was perfect. I was about to leave the store when I remembered why I had gone there in the first place. So, I went back to the Manager and asked if he had a rocking chair for sale of which he replied he did. He took me through some corridors to a small room at the back where just sat there was a beautifully carved wooden rocking chair which looked perfect. Well of course I had to try it out, so I did. The chair was perfect and just what I was looking for and the price was just right too.
I told the manager that I wanted it and he said great and even lowered the price down for me which was an added bonus. He said he would arrange to have it delivered to me free of charge that very afternoon. Excellent, I thought and was mentally going through my mind as to where exactly in my bedroom I was going to put it. We spoke for a little while longer before I departed and made my way home.
So, all in all it had been a very productive morning for not only had I purchased a rocking chair but I had also secured myself a job into the bargain. I stopped for a moment and quietly thanked God for helping me that morning and I just marvelled over the fact that He had answered both my prayers in the space of an hour.
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Just some observations on your style of writing: you tend to use the word "which" a lot and many of your sentences have several contractions in them. Try breaking up the longer sentences with shorter sentences. This can help the story flow a bit faster and easier.
Many of your sentences are more wordy than needed, using such words as ‘just’. Reading your piece aloud may give you ideas of how to reword the sentence to make it flow more smoothly.
You did a nice job of describing the town and stores and thanking God for His blessings. Looking forward to reading more of you pieces.