The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
06/14/18
This was a fun story to read and I enjoyed the picture of the various antique and book stores.

Just some observations on your style of writing: you tend to use the word "which" a lot and many of your sentences have several contractions in them. Try breaking up the longer sentences with shorter sentences. This can help the story flow a bit faster and easier.
Walking through the day with the MC was delightful.

Many of your sentences are more wordy than needed, using such words as ‘just’. Reading your piece aloud may give you ideas of how to reword the sentence to make it flow more smoothly.

You did a nice job of describing the town and stores and thanking God for His blessings. Looking forward to reading more of you pieces.
I enjoyed the story very much. It does need a bit of self-editing though - and it really has nothing to do with the topic. However, I would love to have been with you on that delightful day.