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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: AMAZING (04/19/18)
She screamed.

Bolted upright, Crystal trembled. A bead of sweat trickled down her cheek, and she nervously licked at her lip, tasting its salty substance. The thick darkness felt suffocating, and her heart thumped loudly in the silence.

Groping, she reached for the tap light on the nightstand. Making contact with its plastic domed cover, she pressed down and listened to its satisfying click. Unaware that she’d been holding her breath, she let it out as the shadows fled and soft light filled her bedroom.

“Crystal Brandi Simpson, get a grip,” she mumbled. “It was just a dream.” However, knowing didn’t lessen the terror and betrayal she felt.

It never changed. The faces did, but the hollow feeling in her chest didn’t. Part onlooker, part participant in these nocturnal vigils, the impact of Michael’s unfaithfulness haunted Crystal, even in her dreams.

The fan, white noise meant to mask Michael’s heavy rumbling from the room adjacent to hers, whirred, both reassuring in its comforting sameness, yet an irritant for its being a necessity. Like Michael, Chrystal thought, feeling conflicted, I don’t want to live with him, and I refuse to live without him.

“I love him, but I detest him,” she whispered, experiencing once again, the dejection that weighed on her like an unwanted blanket. Day or night, it remained. Part sob, part sigh, Crystal exhaled, and her eyes filled with tears. I want him, but I don’t, I can’t. I don’t want anyone else to have him either! Why should I hand him over to someone else, another woman to benefit from the years I’ve put in, and those inevitable realizations that he will have - but long after I’m gone? She cried out, her thoughts in disarray after the distressing nightmare, too real not to be upsetting.

“To stay or not to stay, that is the question,” she murmured, her lips barely moved. The words, mouthed quietly, hung.

Sitting up straighter, Crystal peered over the end of the bed, her eyes scanning the items in shadow, lined up against the far wall, suitcases and briefcases yet to be unpacked from the last trip she had taken to see her grandkids.

To her right, the bedroom door remained closed. Day or night, hers stayed shut, as did her heart, mind, and very soul, shuttered toward Michael.

“Running and hiding,” the words came, unbidden, interrupting Crystal’s brooding. “That’s right,” she admitted aloud, wondering. The blinding truth hit her, sort of like a wall. Unpacked bags and closed doors; running and hiding, running and hiding, running and hiding - but never truly living. Fear and dread constantly present kept happiness at bay.

Annoyed, Crystal jumped up and strode across the cold floor in her bare feet. The fan, its frame too light and motor too powerful, had danced backwards across the floor. Its vibrations against the wall between them would soon have Michael awake.

Hurrying back across the floor, she plopped full-bodied, ungracefully, onto the bed. Feeling childish, Crystal got her feet up off the floor, terrified of a hand reaching out to grab them from under the bed.

Laying there, overwhelmed, she pulled the covers over her head. Willing herself to stop the negativity that flooded her, Crystal prayed.

Seconds passed. From behind closed eyes, Crystal wrestled in prayer, asking for help. Aware of dark forces beyond her comprehension, she appealed to the God she’d trusted as a kid, but had left.

Absently, Crystal reached over to press the dome on the nightstand, and listened to the click just as the lights went out. “Amazing,” she whispered groggily.
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This article has been read 424 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Donna Martelli 
04/26/18
This article paints a vivid picture of Crystal's thoughts and fears and, finally of the road home. Good job!
Linda Lawrence 
04/26/18
I really, really liked this. Describes well our inner wrestling. I believe this is worth perfecting. Personally, I would rework the last couple paragraphs for a stronger, impactful ending. Just my opinion, but when you rewrite without the requirement of fitting it to the topic of Amazing, I think it will be an even more powerful story. Be encouraged. This is good writing.
C D Swanson 
04/26/18
Great job with this! I enjoyed it from the very beginning to the very last word.

Wonderful writing and you nailed the topic beautifully.

Well done,

Blessings~
Dennis Gallemore 
04/26/18
This was good and, with a little revision, would be great!
Tracy Nunes 
04/28/18
Powerful rendering of the twisted knot that fear and unforgiviness can bring.

It’s usually better to leave off bluntly stating the topic and let the story speak for itself.

But excellent writing!
Tracy Nunes 
04/28/18
Powerful rendering of the twisted knot that fear and unforgiviness can bring.

It’s usually better to leave off bluntly stating the topic and let the story speak for itself.

But excellent writing!
Dimple Suit
04/30/18
Good descriptions had me feeling the fear, heartbreak, anger, and the peace Crystal found in prayer.
Raymond Bouchoc
05/02/18
In general, I am really drawn to the struggles that go on inside a person. Good submission.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
05/04/18
So nice to see you again my friend! You did a fine job of jumping right into the conflict and pulled me right into the story. Congratulations on placing 3rd in your level. Happy Dance!
Catherine Craig
05/04/18
Thank you, my sister writer, and for everyone's comments. I promised myself to write last week, and only managed the two hours it took to write this. Struggling to make time to write again. This piece was written as a tribute for those women who are struggling to stay in marriages that contain intentional abuse from their unrepentant spouses, and to raise awareness. It is not easy, and we as the Body of Christ need to support such as those without judgment, but with compassion,understanding, and empathy...