The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Wonderful approach to the topic in both content and delivery!
Nice job,
Well done! I like how you described that first bite and the delicious juices of the apple with the candy. Also, I liked how you tied that in to the juices of God's love.
I enjoyed this. I liked your take on the topic and thought it was interesting and fun. You had me licking my lips at times.

The one thing I might suggest would be to use more active than passive lines, especially in the beginning and tighten up some of the sentences. For example, I might edit it like this: The sun warmed my face as I strolled through the festival. I inhaled as the delectable smells tickled my olfactory gland; my eyes drank in the colors as the sounds vibrated my tymphanic membranes. As I made my way to food truck row, my mouth started to water. I checked out each vendor. <i>Oohhh, corn dogs. Oh what a treat they were when I was younger. Maybe, I'll get--BBQ! Of course tacos and turkey legs pair nicely with homemade tamales and fried corn-on-the-cob! <i>

You do a really good job of showing instead of telling, I just think you're talented enough to punch it up some. I think you did a great job of writing on topic while keeping it fresh and fun. I enjoyed this piece so much. Your ending was great and it tied everything together. Awesome writing.
Right on topic. I also liked how you the apple juices with scripture. Very enjoyable read.
Thank you.
God bless.
Well done. A good take on the theme and my favourite psalm.
Keep on keeping on. Blessings.
Great piece...I've never heard of fried corn-on-the-cob,but I've got to try it...
Congratulations on your 10th place finish, Angela.

I tasted the delicious juices of the apple right along with you.
Congratulations on your 1st place finish in the Intermediate category and moving up to the Advanced category.
Congratulations on ranking 1st in your level and 10th overall. I enjoyed this story and am happy for you.