The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
10/12/17
Good use of dialogue to tell the story. Spell-checker doesn't always alert you to mistakes when a similar word is used. That needs a bit of care. You were wandering, not wondering and needed advice, not advise.
10/12/17
Good job with the dialogue and storytelling. You might want to brush up on dialogue punctuation.
You have put this story together nicely to show that we all, both Christian and non-Christian, can have problems and low times.

We all live in the world God cursed because of Adam and Eve's sin. We cannot escape the problems but as you pointed out, we have help with our problems.

I feel that sometimes God gives people these problems to draw us closer to him. Even non-believers will at times cry out "God help me" even if they think they don't believe in him.

Nice writing. Keep writing.
10/15/17
Nice flow, therefore enjoyable to read. I like your writing style. Something that helps me with proofreading is reading my writing piece aloud to a family member or friend. I seem to be able to spot punctuation problems and conflicts in tenses (past/present) more when I read it to someone.
10/16/17
You had a good story line and a lot of dialogue, which is good.

A few suggestions. Check over your punctuation, capitalization and formatting. Recheck and recheck again. It will help clean it up before entry.

Also, dialogue is good, but interject feelings with each change of conversation to tell us how that person reacted to what the other person said.

Use the five senses to paint pictures.

Good job and keep writing.