The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
03/18/17
SO funny! I read it aloud to my daughter and we laughed and laughed. We then had great discussion: "What would you do?"
My favorite reads are always the ones that keep me pondering after I read it.
Thank you!
03/18/17
A fun read with a good message. I think we all have been in situations like that and wonder how can we help a person out without hurting feelings. Great job of getting your point across. That is a part of childhood we wished we had and at the same time shun away from doing it. It is a quandary. Now for some red ink. I would have left our "The most problematic thing of all was that he had very strongly offensive body odour." You did a good job of describing it in an effective way after that. And that is what so many don't do. they stop at just saying he has odor (odour). You did a good job on the hook of the story. Some of the sentences could have been combined in one paragraph. I think it was a good read and I liked it a lot. God bless.
This is a great story. The conflicts stand right out and compel the reader onward. The only red ink would be to show more instead of tell. Have the mom nuzzle her nose in the nook of her elbow, have the hubby say, I know it's cold out, but man it's hot in this small car as he subtlety fans the air so only his wife can see. You had some good patches of smelling not telling, but I wanted more. I thought the open-ending brilliant. The answer to that question could vary based on so many things. You did a fantastic job.
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