The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
03/10/17
Fun story about lessons learned from a child's adventure.

I would have like to know more about the ages and relationship of the characters to each other.
03/10/17
Nicely done!

A great message as well.

Blessings~
I am glad the word time does not just mean when we are young and athletic. It is true when we are old and not so athletic also.

Nice description of a day in yesterday's days.
03/11/17
A fun read. You made me want to get my climbing shoes on and head out. I enjoyed it. A few grammar issues, i.e., spaces and commas. Look over it several times before submitting it; I am sure you will catch them. God bless.
I like aspects of this story for sure. I'd like to see a bit more human nature in it though (but still have the great ending). For Example;
Mary [don't be afraid to give them names, it'll make it more personable] licked her lips as she craned her neck backward. Mustering courage, she squeezed Randy's hand. "C'mon, let's get climbing!" [Notice I used a bit of slang and showed a bit of reasonable fear along with confidence.]
Mary looked at Randy and imagined his heart might be pounding more than he'd let on, but her eyes followed his, stopping at the shrubs and rocks. She figured he was planning the safest route for them both.
I took out some of the unnecessary information to avoid POV shifts and to show instead of tell. I also introduced a tiny bit of fear to pull the reader in even more.

I like their faith, even amidst something scary. We are lucky to have a Randy, but to know the Holy Spirit too, wow! That's what your story does--wow me. You helped me with something I've been wrestling with. Keep writing. You are making a difference.