The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
03/05/17
Enjoyed your story and thoughts.
03/06/17
Interesting story!
This is a powerful story. You brought the little girl to life. Don't forget to use punctuation when you use dialog. You could also tighten it up some. For example, I might do something like this:

I remember the first time I saw Amni. On the edge of a refugee camp, she stood outside her house made of sticks and covered with a green tarp. It wasn't her sparse surroundings that made me remember her, but the huge smile on her face while she waved to me as I drove by.

This is just a quick example to show you what I mean. By doing some tightening, it will leave more room for dialog, body language, and descriptions.

Your message is a great one. I love that you still pray for this little girl who likely has her own kids by now. Those prayers have protected that frail little girl over the years. In sure of it. Her life may not be eady, but you touched it and you touched mine by sharing your story.
03/09/17
Congratulations on your 3rd place finish in the Intermediate category, Gloria.

Touching story about the impact one little girl, Amni, had on your life. I imagine you might have had an impact on her life too.