The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
12/02/16
Beautiful read!
God bless~
Wow! You really brought that story to life. The grief is palpable, yet so is the love and faith. The pacing was perfect and moved the story along at just the right time.

My only red ink is minor. Be careful about the tense. You started with the past, but in the end were using present. There was also an awkward sentence in the middle where she left the room and almost turned into her brother. I knew what you meant, but for a second, I envisioned her shifting into her brother (either literally or figuratively).

I think you nailed the topic and did so in a couple of ways. This is a heart-wrenching tale and kept me engaged from beginning to end. You really told a powerful story.
12/04/16
Sometimes it is the small things in life that keep us going. One person's treasure is another person's junk. I am glad that the MC was able to provide her mom some comfort.

My mom was just diagnosed with vascular dementia, and sometimes has difficulty finding words for what she wants to say. It is both a challenge for her and me, and I am not always patient.

Keep writing!

A well written story with a lesson for all at its heart. What a person is able to due is all that should be expected of them.This is true of children or adults with a child's mind.

I don't know if this is a true to life situation or not but we should learn the lesson when it is our time to experience the same situation.
12/08/16
Congratulations, Ken, on placing 1st place in the Intermediate category and moving up to the Advanced level.

I enjoyed your well written story and look forward to reading more.
12/08/16
Ken, Congratulations on 1st place.
I thought it was very well written. I could relate my Mom was like that, it was sad. I like how you brought in the brother's attitude, it can be hard for some to deal with it.
look forward to learning from you and others here.