The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
10/29/16
I enjoyed your poem! It may have flowed a little better if all stanzas were the same, either all rhyming or all free verse. Keep writing...God Bless!
Like others, you definitely show that time is fleeting. It does go incredibly fast. I think we all can relate to that.

I'm not an expert on poetry for sure, but even to my tone deaf ears, I felt that something was off. Sometimes it rhymed, sometimes a partial one, and some not at all. Rhyme certainly isn't vital to a good poem, though. I think it just needed some tweaking.

The topic was spot on. I didn't really get the message until the last stanza and that was definitely my favorite part. You really nailed it.
10/29/16
I am not in a position to critique poetry. It's in a category of it's own and some times it is difficult for me to understand. I thoroughly enjoyed your article. It brought a smile to my face. I especially liked your touch of history with Caesar and the Egyptians. Great job!
11/01/16
I won't repeat the previous comments about meter, but I'll add another suggestion: poetry uses language in a way that prose doesn't. As you work to improve your poetry, look at things like figurative language and symbolism to make your poetry richer and more polished.

This one had lovely content and a sweet message.
You have the thought of calendar or time running throughout this piece in many ways. Is there one main thought or idea you would want it to contain if you had to shorten it in any way. What would you keep and what would you leave out? The poem that would be left might be the best.

I like what you have written because it contains the seeds for many other poems. The only problem is finding or taking them time to get them all written out.

Take the time.