Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: TALKATIVE (09/08/16)
TITLE: Got It Made ( Comedy)
By Iris Brooks
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He looks at me, kind of laughing, yet as serious as a heart attack. "Old lady, bring me a cold one. Is supper ready yet? Well, it's about time. You know, Grandma was slow, but she was ninety-seven".
As usual he goes on to point out, "Woman, you've got it made. Can't you see? You’re sitting home all day eating chocolate bon-bons and watching the boob-tube. But out here in real world, it's a total rat race. They nearly work me to death. I can't understand why you're huffing and puffing. You've got it made!"
I was used to hearing him complain about how hard he works to provide for us. In comparison, I'm just a stay-at-home mother and housewife living a life of luxury. Though his words really bothered me, I rarely even gave him the satisfaction of a response. I just went on about my business and never said much.
However, today was absolutely not a good day for him to start his dialogue. I felt unappreciated and I was beyond exhausted. Looking him right in the eye, I opened my mouth and let it fly!
"Honey, thank you so much for everything you do. But let me tell you something, Big Boy. And listen real good to what I say. I'll tell you the story of how my day went".
"I was home all morning. Don't it sound so sweet? But I never sat down and rested these aching number six hush puppies".
"No, I hung out two loads of clothes because you assured me the sunshine costs less than running the dryer. I vacuumed the carpet and dusted the furniture. While mopping the kitchen floor, little Johnny mashed his finger in that rickety old screen door with the broken hinge".
"Susie ought to shine like a diamond ring. She took a bubble bath with Mr. Clean and your box of Epsom salts".
"I took the kids to the park. Bobby got so excited when he went down the big sliding board, he wet his pants. While reassuring him it was just an accident and not to cry, poor Susie fell down in a bed of poison ivy where hungry fire ants had taken up residence".
"While trying to rescue her, I looked for little Johnny. Where in the world did he wander off to? Lo and behold I looked around the corner and spotted him having the time of his life hanging on the tail of an old yellow tom cat. However, the feline did not appear to be a purr-fect day.
"The day got more relaxing with a surprise pillow fight this afternoon. Feathers were flying all over the place. It took me about an hour to clean that mess up. Then Bobby hit Susie in the head with your favorite ceramic coffee mug.
They mixed salt and pepper in my silver sugar dish. And, by the way, there will be no kissy- kissy tonight, sweet thing. They fed all my birth control pills to the little gold fish."
"Well, I fried the chicken while I made the tea, tater salad and grape Koolaid. I burnt three fingers, two drumsticks and my favorite skillet when the pan of hot grease caught on fire".
"The upstairs toilet ran over when I answered the phone, only to spend ten minutes convincing a telemarketer I didn't qualify for a scooter chair".
"I randomly glanced at the coo-coo clock on the kitchen wall and realized you'd soon be home".
"Well, it'll probably be late when my day is done. But you are so sure it's a piece of cake. It's more fun than a barrel of monkeys, right”?
"So go ahead, honey bunch. QUIT YOUR JOB!! I think it’s time for you to rest your weary bones. Calgon is ready to take you away. You can live the life of Riley!
I love you so much, baby, I am willing to give all this up. I’ll proudly bring home the bacon with a smile on my face. Really! YOU CAN STAY HOME! You'll have it made. You will FINALLY have it made! Have it made....in the shade".
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