The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
07/31/16
Great job staying on topic. I like how you give Biblical examples of trust to illustrate your points.

I noticed that you were repetitive in the use of "person." In one paragraph, person was used seven times. There were weak areas in sentence structure and punctuation. Restructuring your sentences will make your points easier to follow and eliminate unnecessary words. For example, to tighten the sentence and eliminate extra words, you might construct one sentence as: "Receiving this information requires trusting in who is relating the information to you. If you don't trust the character witness for the one you want to learn about, then the individual he is speaking up for may be hard to trust as well." There may be other ways to tighten the sentence, but in the example, I have eliminated words that add little to the dialogue, and substituted words to avoid repetition.

I use the Thesaurus quite often to avoid duplication. Jan Ackerman has loads of information on the Faithwriter forum about sentence structure, etc.

Write on!

07/31/16
I, too, often fall prey to repetition. After reading over my comments, I noticed that I used eliminate three times. :-) I could have used "removed." Good writing is a challenge and always can be improved, even for the more experienced writer.