The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
11/26/15
Good job of with the very familiar bibilical account of Martha and Mary. Well done.

God bless~
11/28/15
Fitting title and use of this week's challenge word. It is easy to become a "Martha" and worry about doing instead of being.
11/30/15
You have given this story a down-to-earth feeling. Thanks.
You really brought the familiar story to life. You picked some perfect verbs that paint a vivid picture.

Be careful about POV shifts. The reader can only know what the MC knows, sees, or thinks. You took us into both characters' minds. One way to fix that would be to have Mary watch Martha and hear her mumbling. That way everything is from Mary's POV.

I liked the way you had the topic sprinkled throughout the story. I've read more than half of the stories and this is the first Mary and Martha one this week. And while this story itself isn't out of the box, you made it your own with the thoughts of Martha. Nice job.
12/02/15
Thanks so much for useful and encouraging comments. I am very grateful.
Congratulations on your Highly Commendable rating in the Intermediate division. I could clearly identify with Martha as my husband can attest to. Well-written.