The Official Writing Challenge
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Every writer shares these sentiments at some point in the process. I was confused, or perhaps lost, with your opening two lines. The story could stand on its own without them.

To help yourself with writing improvement, check out the writing basics by Jan on the Forums. There are also lessons on grammar by Ann. I find the lessons helpful, and I bet you will as well.

Be consoled by knowing that admitting our gaps of talent is the first step to getting better at this craft.

Do not lose heart. Keep trying.
You summed up what we all face. Often when I think an entry is good, others' comments don't see it that way. Then when I turn in something because the deadline looms, even though I am not very happy with it, it gets high praise. Ienjoyed the offbeat twist.
I too have trouble formulating ideas and getting them on paper so people know what I am actually trying to say.
Thanks for sharing this. You are not alone. These are struggles that we all face as writers, but it does get better.

God bless. :)
You used your child in a very illustrious manner. It all fit together perfectly.

Our prayer as we write, edit and rewrite should be our desire to do his will for his glory so others may understand.
Congratulations on Highly Commended.