The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
10/17/15
A pastor has so much responsibility before God and man. I'm glad he didn't give up.
10/18/15
Interesting take. I think I'm with his wife. I guess that's proof of the author's good writing. She made two readers come to two different conclusions.
This is a powerful story. With the economy suffering lately and the legalization of same sex marriage, churches everywhere are struggling.

My only critique would be the opening was a tiny bit slow for me. In a story this short, I like the conflict to grab me right away. Perhaps adding body language or dialog would help hook the reader faster. This is just an example I might show if I were editing this piece: Pastor Glenn gripped the edge of his aging desk. He found himself holding his breath as his good friend sat across him. Glenn blinked his eyes several times. Eugene is going to bail on me and this church. I can feel it. Please God, grant me wisdom.

I know I took liberties, but I wanted to show you how using body language and thoughts can create a picture for the reader and introduce the conflict right off. Jan's Writing Basics is doing a series on conflict currently on the message boards. If you haven't seen it, I'd urge you to check it out.

I think you had a creative take on the topic, plus you used a couple of different fold definitions, which is clever and worked really well together. Congratulations on ranking 2nd in your level and 14 overall. The highest rankings can be found d on the message boards. You really did a great job.