The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
These memories are delightful to read. Thank you for sharing them.
10/15/15
I enjoyed your touching story. I felt it had strong lines but was not sure of the ending: The phone rung...it seemed a little awkward but I certainly got the point! Well done and interesting.
10/17/15
I liked the MCs in the story. My only suggestion would be to do more showing and less telling.
10/18/15
It is good you have such sweet memories of your family who tried so hard to give you a good life. I know what it is like to work several job at a time.

You mentioned fold a couple times in your article but neither was the focal point of the story. My suggestion would be to take one incident of folding and make that the center of your story to keep it on the subject of the Challenge.

Enjoyed your story. Blessings, LaVonne
After your descriptions, I felt like I knew your relatives. I enjoyed meeting them. LaVonne steered you in the right direction to somehow make the story fit around the topic, "fold."
You could make two stories out of these two sisters.

I like real-life family stories.

This sentence: "She hated to lost her independence." may have meant to be: "She hated it when she lost her independence."