The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
This was beautiful! Minus a few typos, missed words and punctuation, this would be perfect! I loved how you tied the title in with his name and what happened to his love. Thanks for sharing.
great imagery. nice tie into the title there at the end: i didn't see that coming. really grips the reader. nice work.
Very creative and yes I could really see the image you were trying to create. Nice!
I loved this article. It wsa more than "nice" it was amazing. I was on the edge of my seat during the entire article and not only that I loved how much depth the story had. No sugar coating here, only substance. Amazing work!
The ending, the play on words and feelings, is perfection.

I was confused by the beginning; too many pronouns. I didn't know who "he" and "she" were, nor what had happened to whom. Three readings later, I'm still not clear.

You're a gifted reader, and you captured Lane's despair perfectly.
I meant, you're a gifter "writer." Although you are probably a gifter reader, too! LOL, sorry.
I should just give up. Gifted. Writer.

Wow! Nice job! You grabbed hold of his grief and didn't let go. Loved the wordplay, too.
Amazing work in capturing the detail in Lane's struggle. A thorough proof-reading would bring this piece to perfection.