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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL (don't write about the song) (04/02/15)
She paced the waiting room, looking at her watch again. Oh Lord, it’s been so long. Please, dear Lord, don’t let it go wrong! Keep him safe. I need him! How many times had her heart sent up that prayer over the past five hours?
The surgeon appeared at the door and beckoned her to the seclusion of the consultation room.
“Your husband is in recovery now, you can see him shortly. We were slowed by old scar tissue, but we were able to get in and remove everything.”
“Then the cancer is gone and now he just has to heal!”
“We can hope so, but there is still the chance that we didn’t get it all. We’ll know better when the pathology results come back.”
******
He slumped in the chair of the doctor’s office like a deflated balloon. He barely heard the doctor’s words, continuing the detailed explanation. The pathology reported the story of an aggressive cancer that had spread beyond the bounds of surgical removal. It was a repeat of the scene he had gone through with his father ten years earlier. “They told Dad his odds were good, but he died anyway. Why should I believe it will be different for me?” he questioned.
“You’ve got to have faith,” the doctor replied. “We’ve learned a lot about treating prostate cancer in the years since. Have faith in modern medicine, in me, and in yourself.”
What about faith in God? How can I have faith in a God who lets this happen to me? To us? He gave a despairing glance at his wife and touched her hand momentarily, barely recognizing it was for him to feel her strength, not for her to feel his. He wasn’t sure he had enough strength left to offer, anyway.
******
She took refuge in her room and sobbed out her fears to Lord. Ever since the first diagnosis her husband had been adamant that to remove such an essential part of his being was a form of death from which he didn’t think he could rise. Now it seemed like that was only going to be the beginning. She wondered if she had the strength to support him through the days ahead. She wondered how she could carry on if he didn’t survive. “God only knows how we can get through this,” she spoke aloud to the darkened room. “Surely, Lord, you can help us. Please, help us get through this!”
******
The weeks that followed were miserable for them both. The gloomy skies and cold rain seemed a reflection of their spirits. Each time he looked at her he saw her pain, her fears. How could he, now only half a man, keep her world intact? How many more weeks before he would be able to be up and about again, helping her with the daily chores and heavy lifting instead of weakly lying in bed, holding back the moans of pain?
It wasn’t the physical pain that was getting to him as much as the emotional pain – the pain from watching her struggle with the additional burdens, the worries about the financial repercussions, and the recognition that this was only the beginning. How much more could they take? She didn’t say anything, but he knew every night she saturated her pillow with tears, and heaven with her prayers. He longed to relieve her of her burdens, but didn’t see how.
In the end, it was she who broke the heavy silence that walled them apart.
“How much longer will you deny that God can heal you? You used to be a man of faith.”
“I have faith - faith that I won’t get better.”
“And I have faith that you will recover. As they say, ‘what God leads us to, he’ll lead us through’. Look, this isn’t just happening to you. We’re in this together, you and I. ‘in sickness and in health,’ remember?”
Stunned, he grabbed her hand and held it, not letting her pull away. “I’m sorry. It’s just that I love you so that I’ve let my concern for you get in the way. I guess I need to focus on the faith needed to get us through this, regardless of the outcome.
She held him close for a few minutes while they mingled their tears and prayers. As she turned away, he heard her humming, “All’s well with my soul”. Yes, he thought, all is well with my soul now.
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This article has been read 356 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Katherine (Kat) Kane
04/11/15
This has to be one of my favourites this week. It's so well written and shows the topic, rather than simply telling. The way you've described your characters brings them to life, so much so that I could picture the scenes you described. Keep writing, because you have a real talent - if I hadn't seen it was your first entry in the forum, I would never have guessed it to be a first entry - and I can see you rising through the ranks. Well done!
Corinne Smelker 
04/11/15
I am really impressed - if this is your first entry it is very well done. You expressed the fears so well.

I can definitely see you moving up soon.
Lollie Hofer 
04/11/15
Your story reminds us that we do need others. When we are weak, they can be our strength. We they fall down, we can lift them up. Great use of this week's topic. My only suggestion would be to make sure to either indent or double space between paragraphs so it will be easier for your readers to follow. Well done.
Ellen Carr 
04/12/15
Your story is well written and moving. Very well done for a first entry! Keep writing and using your gift.
C D Swanson 
04/13/15
Excellent! Wow this was so powerful and moving. You will move up quickly, I'm sure of it.

Thanks for sharing this touching story. If this is true...I pray all goes well for your husband.

God bless~
Jan Ackerson
04/14/15
There are so many things that you did right here, for a first entry! You maintained separate POVs, and switched "scenes" with a row of asterisks when the POVs changed. Your dialog was realistic, as was your characterization. You used details to bring the reader into the scene.

I only have minor critiques, and those aren't really content-related, but formatting, and the sorts of things that you learn as you become more familiar with the idiosyncrasies of this site. You have to add an extra blank space between paragraphs, and most people have to do it manually, in the submissions box, or it won't "keep." Similarly, use http to put characters' thoughts in italics. There are tutorials how to do that in the forums (or you can PM me and I'll teach you how). Incidentally, these tricks won't affect how your piece was rated by the judges--they just make it easier for your readers.

I hope you'll continue to enter the challenge--your writing shows great potential.
Lois Lewis 
04/16/15
Great job! My only suggestion would be you might play around with other Title choices. My dad had prostate cancer. Such a hard thing for a man to accept. Thanks for writing this, for all your hard work. Best of luck in the Challenge!