The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
This has to be one of my favourites this week. It's so well written and shows the topic, rather than simply telling. The way you've described your characters brings them to life, so much so that I could picture the scenes you described. Keep writing, because you have a real talent - if I hadn't seen it was your first entry in the forum, I would never have guessed it to be a first entry - and I can see you rising through the ranks. Well done!
I am really impressed - if this is your first entry it is very well done. You expressed the fears so well.

I can definitely see you moving up soon.
Your story reminds us that we do need others. When we are weak, they can be our strength. We they fall down, we can lift them up. Great use of this week's topic. My only suggestion would be to make sure to either indent or double space between paragraphs so it will be easier for your readers to follow. Well done.
Your story is well written and moving. Very well done for a first entry! Keep writing and using your gift.
Excellent! Wow this was so powerful and moving. You will move up quickly, I'm sure of it.

Thanks for sharing this touching story. If this is true...I pray all goes well for your husband.

God bless~
There are so many things that you did right here, for a first entry! You maintained separate POVs, and switched "scenes" with a row of asterisks when the POVs changed. Your dialog was realistic, as was your characterization. You used details to bring the reader into the scene.

I only have minor critiques, and those aren't really content-related, but formatting, and the sorts of things that you learn as you become more familiar with the idiosyncrasies of this site. You have to add an extra blank space between paragraphs, and most people have to do it manually, in the submissions box, or it won't "keep." Similarly, use http to put characters' thoughts in italics. There are tutorials how to do that in the forums (or you can PM me and I'll teach you how). Incidentally, these tricks won't affect how your piece was rated by the judges--they just make it easier for your readers.

I hope you'll continue to enter the challenge--your writing shows great potential.
Great job! My only suggestion would be you might play around with other Title choices. My dad had prostate cancer. Such a hard thing for a man to accept. Thanks for writing this, for all your hard work. Best of luck in the Challenge!