The Official Writing Challenge
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This was a really great storyline! It didn't connect with my emotions much, but I enjoyed it.
It's different and I felt little chill at the thought of how easy it is to get in with the wrong crowd. The escape para - 3rd from end was a little jumbled for me, unfortunately it halted a 'swift flight'. I thought you captured the 'voice' well.
Great plot with good suspense. I think you could make it even more suspenseful if you took out some of the dialogue - show more, instead of telling. But overall, this is a great story!
I like it! Expand this one, for sure.
Great story. Who were the guys in the house? I like the fast pace!
Good story! I could tell that some editing caused a problem easily solved by proofreading. I liked the fast pace also. All in all, a good read!
I like the way you started, the voice was sort of laconic, like in a detective novel. Fast paced. Good connection between title and last paragraph. If you expanded this I'd like to know why the sister stayed outside. Yeggy
Very dramatic story (and based on a post ealier this week, a seed of truth that kick started it lol) Well done!
Your first paragraph establishes the question of what emergency would cause the narrator take a risk driving without a license. Your second and third paragraphs from the end speed up a little too fast (a comment I once received), too many actions coming all at once. Word limits, word limits! Great ending paragraph! When you described the place that they came to in the vineyard, I almost thought of Marlon Brando in "The Godfather" as an old man tending the vines and dying of a heart attack. (Someone stop that theme music!!)
I liked the modern day example of Witness Protection. Nice work though for the word limit. That is a challenge. God bless ya, littlelight