The Official Writing Challenge
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08/21/14
Good job with showing the "temptations" and the ongoing spiritual battles that people face. Gambling is certainly one of them.

Well written!

God bless~
I lived in a little place called Monaco. Many fortunes, and families were destroyed there through gambling at the casinos. Satan makes it all so tempting. Good story.
08/22/14
You did a good job of showing the conflict your MC felt. I enjoyed reading your story and I think you did a good job of writing it.
08/23/14
Very good story on the temptations of gambling. You can count on people watching what we do as Christians all the time.

Maybe you could add more Scripture to help bring your point across? Just a suggestion.

Blessings, LaVonne
08/23/14
A good take on this weeks topic and a worthy message to boot. I think a few more scripture references would make it even better. But still a great job!
08/23/14
A great story about a real life struggle many people face. We all have something in our lives that we justify as just some harmless fun, but know in our hearts that it's really one of the footholds Satan has in our lives. It's not so much about discovering these footholds as it is about confessing them. Letting go is always much harder than it seems, and I like that you didn't just have your MCs have an "A-ha" moment and instantly change - you left us wondering if the change would happen or not.

Very realistic and authentic writing thru and thru. Very good job.
08/23/14
Ahhh, gambling: the fine art of getting nothing for something.

I like how you have dressed up some clear teaching with strong characters and believable dialogue that reflects how we analyse what we hear from the pulpit. And you've kept it from being too judgemental. Well done.
08/23/14
You did an excellent job of walking your MCs through the process of pros and cons.

My only discomfort came when I felt a 'time jerk' between paragraphs 5 and 6. We go from a 'now playing the Wonka machine' to 'one day riding home'.

I felt it would read better as a 'now happening'. Maybe if para 6 had been set as 'A few hours later, as they traveled home, Becky remembered last weeks sermon.'

I loved the way the 'thought' process didn't come to a final conclusion. It leaves the reader wondering, but still satisfied.

Well done.

08/24/14
I enjoyed this article. The statement about setting up a Christian gambling centre made me laugh. It's typical when we want to justify ourselves. I am hard pressed to offer some suggestions. Maybe it would be that I felt the end was a bit abrupt. I realize though that we all are very limited because of our word limit. Nevertheless I feel your writing is excellent. Well done
Good story, good message.

Bit of red: If you don't already, you might want to read your story out loud after you finish so you can 'hear' it. Noticed you had two sentences in a row that started with After. You could reword the second one to say - 'They moved into a nice senior apartment and made plans to tour...' Just a suggestion...

I like the way you dropped us right into the middle of their habit, then gave background and left us wondering if they would go on a trip or go gambling.
08/24/14
I thought it was wonderful how you used a few remembered sermon scriptures. You interjected them as perfectly timed helps in time of your characters needs and desires to not be hindrances to other Christians.
Nicely done.
I heard a sermon years ago about the evils of gambling. The pastor had a member in his flock that liked to gamble here and there, but nothing serious. One day the member won one of those progressive slot games, and walked out with $500,000.00.

The member felt God's conviction, and went to his pastor and told him that he was going to give all of his winnings to the church. The member mentioned to his pastor that the money he won was Satan's money. The pastor smiled and said now it's God's money.
That sermon has stayed with me for many years.

God Bless!
08/28/14
Congratulations!

God bless~