The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
08/21/14
Smiling! Well done. This was a clever read.

God bless~
08/21/14
This was outrageously funny.

I couldn't stop laughing. The first time I read it I woke up in the middle of the night and started laughing as I thought about it. I was sure I heard something outside my window. It sounded like " Moo".

On topic, creative, kept my interest throughout and wonderful ending.

A complete package.


Well done!
08/23/14
This is very creative and humorous and just plain fun. I enjoyed it.

Spot on topic as well.
08/24/14
Rouy eltit werht emta tsrif, but then I got the drift. You've had some fun here. Thanks for sharing it.
I thought I had a scary imagination! This is the style that I love to read. I hope that the judges will see the creativity in this article, and will reward you with a ticket to the Advanced Level!

God Bless!
08/25/14
Cleverly crafted & comical!

Wing His Words,
Pam
08/26/14
Very well done.
You gave the topic a fresh and clever, entertaining twist.
08/26/14
Excellent and jolly good fun. I loved the conversation and felt it hit the topic dead center.

My only red ink is pretty petty but worth thinking about in this type of story.

Sorp and Snoc, in context, wouldn't know what cows are and the story loses a little by calling them 'cows'. We already know, from the 'moo', what creature you are talking about, but the POV this is written from wouldn't know to call them cows.

I loved the, "Just be careful not to step in the ‘twizer’!” That was really funny.
08/28/14
I agree with Graham as I had the exact same thought pop into my head when I saw the word "cows". Right at the same time there is this line:

"Sorp spies through the cracked door and sees a herd of cows milling around their ship"

Prior to that sentence, everything in the story had been written with the past tense. You used words like "pointed, responded, controlled" etc. The sudden change in tense, followed immediately by them not recognizing the creatures, but knowing they were cows, threw me right out of the story.

You got me back because your humor and your characters are so good. You have a great story here and these little bits of red ink are really very minor and simple to fix (assuming of course that you agree, which you may not) and they did not detract from how incredibly fun your story was to read.

Very creative! Thanks for sharing.