The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
08/15/14
Very descriptive and evocative, though - on a minor point - you need to watch your spelling ('their' and 'breathe.') Switching between past and present tenses can also confuse your readers and weaken the effect of your story.
This is a brilliant take on the topic. I love the wisdom of the older couple, the recollection, and the love. You managed to do something expertly that many writers struggle with. This is an outstanding example of telling two stories without a POV shift. I'm sure I'll use this piece as an example to many who struggle with the concept. You truly did a brilliant job. I loved it from beginning to end.
08/19/14
I absolutely adored this entire piece. It delighted me, captivated me, and made me smile wile wanting more of the story.

Well done. Thank you so much.

God bless~
08/19/14
This was so delightful. I envisioned my wife and I in this so many times.

We are people watchers and our conversations were so similar to what I read. Not so much content as the feeling of oneness in their voice.

We find ourselves in so many conversations about young families struggling with their children in public places.

So many funny conversations that you brought to my mind with your story.

Great Job.
As I read your words, I was watching a movie. Very nice!
A very romantic story with a heart of sympathy for others.

Oh, that we all might know the heart we should have towards God as vows are expressed. Our heart towards God should be even stronger than our heart towards our mate.

Well written caring and sharing story. I liked it.