The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
08/15/14
This is a very descriptive piece, in which you've captured and sustained some very strong emotions.
Your ending was a surprise drift. Maybe some exchange between the two at the grave would have filled out the mood better by highlighting each one's grief.
On a minor point, it's also important to keep your tense consistent, because you started in past tense and switched to the present - which is always harder to maintain.
The ending is supposed to leave the reader hanging, then smiling.
08/15/14
I loved this entire piece, from the tender internal dialogue, to the vivid details of their youth and their first meeting, to the surprise ending.

You did a fantastic job with this leading up to the "twist" in the ending.

I'm a "romantic" at heart, and love "sweet stories" --I would have even enjoyed it had he expired on her grave as I thought would happen. But this was a brilliant twist at the end.

Anyway you look at this piece, it is on topic...written with love and elicited emotions along with a great ending.

Fantastic job.

Excellent...keep shining His light. I really loved this love story...hand me the tissues please.

God bless~
Oh you nailed it with this one. You had me from the word go and I was invested the entire way. I could picture the cemetery and almost smell the flowers.

The only hicough was a tiny one. I noticed when he was remembering, you slipped into present, but it should have been the past.

You nailed the topic and I love the ending. I was positive you were going to zag, but you zigged instead, not only delighting me, but making me chuckle for a second, then outright laugh. What more could I ask for before going to bed?
08/19/14
Way to go.

This will leave many crying and then laughing.

Delightful read with a little bit of everything you want in a story.

Super duper (did I spell that correctly?)

Can't wait for your next challenge!!!!!!
08/21/14
What a wonderful piece! Very descriptive. You brought out different emotions very well. Lovely!