The Official Writing Challenge
BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN
INSTRUCTIONS
how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level
ENTRIES
submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners
Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.




TRUST JESUS TODAY





  • Share
  • how it works
  • Submit
Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Salt and Pepper (07/24/14)
“Dinner time, Timmy,” The call rang out.

Timmy Spencer immediately stopped what he was doing and almost ran to the dinner table. Two very clear rules of the house were to come immediately when the dinner call was made and eat whatever was put on your plate. The first task wasn’t too hard, but the other could be really difficult. Just about everything that Timmy’s grandmother cooked was so very plain; it had no taste. And above all Timmy liked food with taste.

“Here you go, Timmy. Eat up.”

Timmy looked at his plate. He bowed his head to pray. His prayer wasn’t so much for God’s blessing as for his help. Timmy always needed help to finish his plate. Thankfully there was one salvation for Timmy; the salt and pepper shakers.

“Aren’t you hungry, Timmy?”

Timmy nodded his head. He was hungry, but he couldn’t get his thoughts off of the blessed salt and pepper shakers. They were what gave the food taste. He longed for them. They sat in the middle of the table with their distinctive shapes that identified them. He wanted to reach for them. He wanted so much to pour them over his food. But there was one more rule that had to be followed. He had to taste his food, really taste it, before he could ask for the salt and pepper. He had attempted to fake it or only nibble in the past, but each time he had been caught and punished. He wouldn’t make that mistake again.

“Eat up, Timmy.”

Timmy smiled, picked up his fork, and put a portion of food in his mouth. The moment he began to chew his eyes grew large with joy. He looked over at his grandmother who smiled back at him.

“Do you like it?”

“Very much,” Timmy replied.

“I tried a new recipe.”

“I like it.”

“Salt and pepper?”

Timmy thought for a moment before responding, “No, thank you.”

Food without salt and pepper. He didn’t think it was possible, but this new recipe had proved him wrong. He was still thankful that the salt and pepper were at the ready. You never knew what food he would have to eat in the future. But for now he finished his plate, slid back his chair, and began to leave the table. Suddenly a thought popped into his head. He turned back toward his grandmother who had gotten up to clear the table.

“Thank you for a great dinner, grandma.”

“You are very welcome, Timmy.”

Timmy ran off thankful for something new and for a grandmother who loved him.
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE

JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.
This article has been read 346 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Joyce Krznaric
07/31/14
Ha. Had me smiling as I read. That's a rule I've been trying to follow myself (no salt or pepper till I taste)!
C D Swanson 
08/01/14
Sweet story! I loved the theme and the message.
Nicely done.

God bless~
LaVonne Wood 
08/02/14
I often wondered why people put salt or pepper on their food before tasting it first. I enjoyed your story. Blessings, LaVonne
Terry Atchison
08/02/14
My sister needs to read this. She is a salt freak. Very nice story.
Larry Whittington
08/03/14
The conversation or exchange of words were very much to the point. What the MC revealed was what gave the information and held it all together.

Each short conversation sentence carried its own weight.

I liked your format or structure of your story.
Phillip Cimei
08/04/14
Good take on the topic. I enjoyed the story.

Great job.

I suggest you read up on the use of commas and semi-colons. I noticed a few places that needed editing. Hope this helps.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
08/05/14
This is a sweet story. I especially liked how you pulled the reader right into Tommy's mind. His inner thoughts delighted me and felt so realistic.

In the opening, you might have been able to introduce the conflict sooner with something like: When Timmy heard Grandma call him for dinner, he instantly began arguing with himself. Grandma's dinners are so bland, but if I don't get right to the table, I'll be in big trouble.
That isn't perfect, but I hope it shows what I mean.

Also watch out for incomplete sentences like Food without salt and pepper. That's just a clause, but if you connected it to the next line then it would be complete.

You do a great job of writing on what I thought was a difficult topic. You also did an outstanding job of developing the characters. Having your MC pray, not for blessing the food, but for God's help in eating, made me laugh. It is so typical of what a kid would do. I loved it. You focused on him throughout and in doing so brought him to life. The ending was splendid. The fact that he thought of thanking Grandma on his own as opposed to being told just enhances this delightful character even more and was the perfect way to end the story. There is also an intense, yet subtle, underlying message; an allegory that shows even when we want to do it our way, Jesus is always nearby much like the salt and pepper. Sometimes we think we know best without tasting, yet Jesus is ever-present waiting for us. Great job.