The Official Writing Challenge
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Very clever use of topic. Loved it!
08/01/14
I loved this! The dialogue between the two MC's was realistic and enjoyable.
Good message and well done.

God bless~
Very vivid, well-defined characters and a great message in your story.
08/02/14
I liked the back-and-forth bouncing of the dialogue. And such a great lesson. I can see it as a "teachable moment".
A plausible scene with just the right characters to bring your message to light.

Well Written. More words describing the characters or the scene would have only detracted from the message.

If you like telling your message through character conversation, continue using that and develop its intensity.
08/04/14
Wouldn't the world be a better place if more grandma's and grandpa's took the time to share their love for Jesus.

A heartwarming story and good dialogue.

God bless.
You do a wonderful job of writing on topic. Even if I didn't know what it was, it would be quite clear because you immersed it throughout the entire story.

I did struggle with a couple of tiny things. The first was you seemed to have too many little details that didn't move the story forward like washing the table, the cool breeze, and some of Grandma's dialog. In a longer piece, you'd be able to sprinkle those details slowly and it wouldn't weigh down the main message. Don't get me wrong, you did a great job of painting a picture for me and I enjoyed the view, but was eager to understand the resolution of the conflict.

The other thing could just depend on the kid, but of the 9 year olds I know, most would have no clue about seasoning food. The way you may have been able to make this feel more believable for me (and this is just my opinion, I could be totally off base) would be to show him cooking with Grandma and either show him being a natural cook by saying "This needs more salt." Another way would be to have Grandma teach him.

The last thing is little, and I didn't realize the difference myself until a FW told me that the complimented that you used should have been complemented with an e not an i.

Your dialog reminds me of a loving relationship and made me smile. It felt real and natural and didn't feel forced. I did like your opening line because it introduced the conflict right off, but like I said earlier, I'd have enjoyed exploring that more right away. You did a seamless job of connecting the story together, using nice transitions. The best part of the story is the message. You explained it in simple terms, yet still made it interesting. With a bit of tweaking, I could definitely see this in a kids' magazine. Though it may feel like I was critical, I want to stress that overall you did a great job and I see amazing potential in this piece. You have an obvious natural talent and your passion for Jesus shines through.
Delightful and entertaining. My hat's off to Shann for her advice. It is worth its weight in gold. I learn from her teaching you!