The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
I feel the need you have to express your praise and worship to our Holy God. What he holds out for us is worthy of all our thanksgiving. His holiness is worth our living after the example of Jesus, his Son, as Jesus obeyed what his father commanded.

I also feel you can say the same thoughts in a more compact manner. Use more descriptive adjectives and active verbs.

Sometimes less can be better.

Use a rhythmic flow of words by choosing your stanza length and line length.

God is worthy of more than what we could even write but keep writing.

I agree with Larry. Your love for the Lord is evident and your passion is certainly felt. You have great potential and will, I am sure, take the critique to heart. Sometimes it seems we are a little picky, but you will find that as time goes on your work will, as a great piece of sculpture, become more defined and beautiful as you chisel away the small imperfections. Good luck and God Bless.
Beautiful meanings and inspiring message throughout this whole loving piece.

God bless~
I can feel your passion in your words. There's no doubt that your poem showcases your love for God. His love for us never ceases and you reminded me to praise our wonderful Savior more often.

There are a few things I noticed though. I'm no poetry expert, but it felt like, at times, you were forcing the rhymes. For example, the word plight usually means a dangerous or difficult situation. I also noticed you used punctuation at the end of each line. Some weren't needed and actually interupted the flow.

Jan recently did a poem thread in Jan's Writing Basics on the message boards. She notes some of the things I mentioned. If you haven't seen it, I'd urge you to check it out. It's one of the great benefits for all levels, and she answers everyone who comments on the forum.

Your words did touch my heart. It reminded me of a beautiful love song and I believe God smiled upon you as you wrote it. Don't get discouraged because your passion shines through, and I've no doubt you touched more than just me. God bless.