The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 483 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
I absolutely love this. It's pure genius. While others might write about this Bible story, yours will stand out because of your brilliant POV. I loved seeing this from the eyes of a precocious five year old. I think the title should have been When You're Only Five. You made me want to grab my Bible and read more and that's what good Biblical fiction does--makes the reader thirst for more. The only red ink I have is tiny and it's one of those fine lines between telling the reader the moral of the story or letting your story tell it. You did such an awesome job, I think the lesson came through loud and clear and you probably could have ended it at: she had learned some big lessons that day. Maybe if you really thought the lesson be laid out more, you could have told it in a little girl's voice. For example she snuggled under the covers secure in the knowledge that if she listened to God, she knew he would fight her battles for her because she had learned some big lessons for such a little girl. That's just an example to show you what I mean by staying true to her voice . I'm still not sure if I'm right, but wanted to express my feelings. This is one of my all time favorites. You really rocked this one and I could see myself reading it over and over. It might even make an outstanding children's book. (my favorite genre) I see picture book. Many think picture books are easy because they are shorter but they have to speak to the child and also keep the adult reading it interested and vested. You have an amazing gift for sure. (Sorry I'm gushing so, but this story resonated in my heart.)
06/14/14
I am with Shann re: a possible title, if you should want to do something else with this... like a children's book... I was thinking along the lines of Five is Just Big Enough," but you could probably think of a better title for your story. I enjoyed reading this very much!
Strong! This is heart grabbingly powerful. Love your style.
06/16/14
You did a great job of showing us this true biblical story through the eyes of a child who might have witnessed it.

As for a possible title, I would sort of agree with the previous comment, with a slight change: "Big Enough to Pray" would be my suggestion.

Great job with this story! Congratulations, you got Shan to write an extra entry this quarter as a comment on your entry. :)
06/16/14
Well done, well written in deliver, content and POV.

Excellent work!

God bless~
This was interesting how you put a child into the story so it was her that was learning the lesson as well as the parents.

I thought this was well adapted to the Bible story and the theme of the week.
06/17/14
I loved it. You tickled my fancy with your descriptive writing. It was wonderful. Look forward to future writings.
06/18/14
I loved the POV in this story and feel it shared some valuable lessons for all ages.

Blessings.
06/19/14
Congratulations!

God Bless~
Congratulations on ranking 2nd in your level and 16 overall! Happy Dance!
06/20/14
Quite some unique writing style here. This is wonderful!
Congratulations!