The Official Writing Challenge
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I liked your original perspective. You wrote quite well but I think if you went over it again, it would help a lot. For example in the first paragraph you wrote "more dangerous than ever - the terrain harsher than ever" ... It would sound better without the repetition. Also, it is spelt: claustrophobia. I liked the name of the article too, it entices people to read it. Well done!
I love allegories, they offer the opportunity to give 'personality' to emotions, attitudes and beliefs etc. I can see what you were trying to do but I ended up with more questions.
The swamp is clearly defined, sadly Lies, Greed, Hate and Jealousy are not. But don't give up you have some fine points in this piece, must go and pull the lichen from my hair!
11/29/05
Good allegory: shades of "Pilgrim's Progress". Keep writing!
11/29/05
Yes, the vines of hate, anger, jealousy, etc. can entangle and destroy. But I see you looking for hope before complete darkness overtakes and that is a good thing. Well done.
11/29/05
Intriguing take on the topic. I enjoyed the conscience's voice. This was well-written.
12/01/05
At first I wasn't sure where this was going but then the light bulb came on! Very original. And yes, we do let the cares of this world choke out the goodness so much so that we don't recognize the people we have become. Good job:)
12/02/05
A little more editing and polishing, and this would be perfect. I loved that I did not know until the end who the narrator is. Excellent!
12/02/05
Very very creative!!!! (one note -Closter phobia is one word, but I'd have to look it up to spell it right myself lol) This was really well done!
Thoughtful approach. Thanks
12/04/05
I thought you did quite well, especially with the charactor. That was a toughy. I was wondering what type of creature this was at the very beginning. A few edits and a little thought, would be just right. God bless ya, littlelight
Very creative and interesting - and very true. Liked the small pinpoint of hope at the end. Good job.