The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
06/05/14
This was masterful in content and delivery.

WEll done.

God bless~
Our minds play bad tricks on us at times. I pray that I could have the heart of David when he prayed that the words of his mouth and the meditation of his heart be acceptable to God.

When I don't let the Holy Spirit control what I think and what I say, I get myself in a lot of trouble.

I feel that we should not think up the worst for us but think that God will have his way and that I must be ready to accept his will for me.

You had a good way of expressing your thoughts in your prayers. I liked how you expressed the way our choices may not have been God's way for us in the past.

It will get the reader to check on himself.

Good Job.
06/08/14
Great writing. I thought this was an actual situation and I was hoping it would be resolved. You sounded so authentic, a quality of truly good writing. You displayed the need for prayer, your belief in prayer and remorse that leads to repentance in a prayerful way.
06/09/14
I loved how you told a story through a prayer!
06/12/14
Hello Ken, Sorry I missed this one before the results came in. I like the idea of telling the story through a prayer. I think you could have left out the opening explanation and just went right into the prayer.

I noticed a few punctuation mistakes and maybe a word left out in two places. Other than that, you have a good sense for what would make a good entry.

I think that like the rest of us, you could benefit from having someone go over your entries with you before submitting them, to help spot grammar and punctuation mistakes. And give you some feedback. That helped me tremendously when I was in this level.

Keep up the great effort. God has big plans for you. Blessings!
I am impressed with the main point of your story. There are many people who don't understand that having an intimate relationship with Jesus makes it easy to pray like this. If it's important to you, then it's important to God too. I think a story consisting mainly of prayer is a creative way to write an article. I wish it had been balanced a bit more with the MC praising and thanking God, along with telling him his worries. I do think having the prayer be most of your article is a great reminder to us all that when things feel hopeless and scary, praying isn't the least we can do, but the most.

Some parts didn't seem to fit just right. For example, usually someone living in such a low rent apartment probably wouldn't have money for a Mercedes or $50,000 to risk on the stock market. I get you were trying to show ways the MC could have saved so he wouldn't be quite as worried and that's an important part of your message.

It is vital to allow your piece to rest for a day or so, then go over it with fresh eyes. You could look especially at every word for missing words or punctuation as well as checking for those words that trip us all up once in awhile like they're, their, and there.

You did touch my heart with your earnest plea to God. I know you have had times in the past where things look quite dismal, yet God pulls through for you, maybe not in the way you were expecting, but still there. I can feel that faith in this piece. Your love and respect for God is palpable and a reminder to all who worries that God loves us and will be by our side both when we are thriving on the island or struggling after being voted off. Also know I'll be praying that God will grant you the strength to handle whatever new landlord throws at you and I'm thankful he brought you to FW where you can share that wonderful faith with others. Keep up the good work.