The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
04/11/14
A peaceful reality, God and His amazing grace.

Wonderful writing.

God bless~
04/14/14
A flowing piece. Easy to read from start to finish. I liked your blunt opening and how you drew out a little suspense.

It could be cool to write this again and describe what your senses picked up: sight, sound, touch, taste, feel. This would help the reader to experience the frustration and panic you felt, and therefore drive the message home, yet I know word limit makes this hard in challenges.

Great stuff,

Blessings
04/14/14
Oh shoot, just saw you weren't looking for red ink. Sorry. Genuinely enjoyed this piece.
You built successfully on your first sentence. From it the plot thickened.

In situations like this we may not take the time to decide if the problem is "our problem" or "their problem". If it is their problem, we don't have to be the one that solves the problem even though we are affected by it.

If we determine it is their problem, our problem is "how to have patience during their problem.

This would be a good story situation to show we can get all "bogged down" with other people's problem if we let it get to us.