The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 534 times
Member Comments
Quite an interesting story. We know that what seems alluring is not as enticing as it looks. The forked road leaves one with a dilemma of which path to take. It is always better to ask God for directions first before we make the choice. Very interesting read.
This is an outstanding take on the topic. You did a fine job pulling me in. Your MC was relatable and so real.

You may want to consider doing more showing than telling. For example:Stretching on my tip-top, I inhaled deeply. The aromatic smell of barbecues tickled my nose as my eyes focused on the beautifully manicured lawns speckled with flowers.

That's not perfect, but I hope it helps demonstrate what I mean. Your ending was perfect. As I read, I kept thinking don't let it be a dream. That can be an over-used literary device and I love that you didn't go that way. It made it so real and really packed a punch. I also really could feel the MC's panic and anguish when she realized she forgot about Jesus. What a powerful and thought-provoking message.

On the message boards, there is a thread called Jan's Writing Basics. It's a great forum for all levels of readers. This month she is focusing on the criteria the judges use for the challenge.
Wow! All I can say for this is WOW!

God bless~
It is when we face trial and tribulations that we are closest to our Lord. This is a fine example of that.

Well written and a delight to read. Very good writing here.
You definitely have talent. This was a heavy read in terms of subject, but it was easy to get through. I hope that makes sense. I only wish, and this is just personal opinion, that the MC had been able to see something good on the road less traveled. Maybe a calm meadow past the jagged rocks or something. I know this life isn't all rainbows and butterflies, but it's also not 100% pain and endurance, ya know?

Great story.
This is a great story! Thank you for sharing it. Your words help put life in perspective. This life is a journey. I think that we often forget that we are here for a purpose, not just to please ourselves.

One little thing that I noticed was a missing comma in a couple of places where you had dialogue. A comma should set off your quotation from the tag (he said, she asked etc.).

“I need you, Jesus” I whispered. This should have a comma before the last set of quotation marks: “I need you, Jesus,” I whispered.

This piece is well written with plenty of variation in sentence style and paragraph lengths. I look forward to reading more of your work. God bless!
lovely story!The title is wonderful!
Congrats Dusty!!!
Congratulations on ranking 1st in your level and 12 overall!! The highest rankings can be found on the message boards.
Congratulations on your 1st place win! Can you move up, now? I am thrilled for you girl.