The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
02/07/14
Oh what a beautiful story! I loved this!!! It truly touched my heart and soul so much. You've made me cry, but good tears!

Fabulous work with this well written tear jerker.

I hope the judges take note and it rates well!

God bless~
What a beautiful story. Told with touching emotion.

You were spot on the topic.
Well written.

Dare I ask if it is true, because as I read it I could feel your love coming through so strongly, which doesn't often happen in fiction.

Blessings

That was just enough to make a great story.

Enough description. Enough dialog. Enough action. Enough for an interesting conclusion.

May we be as ready as she seemed to be.
02/11/14
A deeply moving piece about loving interactions of a fine family. A good message and well written. Thanks!
This is an interesting take on the topic. I totally enjoyed the interaction between the MC and Great Grandma. I could feel the love and the tenderness. You did a nice job of developing the characters.

Remember almost always, when someone new speaks to start a new paragraph. I also saw some spots that were missing an end quote and one quote that didn't start with a capital letter. Those are little things though that a good proofreader would help you catch.

In the message boards there is a thread called Jan's Writing Basics. You should check it out as it is great for any level of writer. Last week she talked about atmosphere and your story would be a good example of how you create an atmosphere. You were able to make me feel the love between the characters. That's a great thing to be able to do.