The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
11/04/13
Good job with retelling of Jonah, and a powerful message at the end of your well written entry.

Nicely done.

God bless~
You did a fantastic job of retelling the familiar story. You really brought it to life and did a great job of developing the characters.

I think if you go back and count the number of exclamation points, you might be surprised. Use them sparingly, mainly in dialog. You have done such a great job of allowing your words to do the exclaiming that you don't need the marks.

I could see the topic right away. Jonas was uncomfortable going to Nineveh. He didn't feel qualified. I imagine when he was fleeing on the boat, he had a hard time reconciling with his decision. Even in the whale's belly, Jonas wasn't comfortable in his own skin. You don't need to use the topic words to be on topic. When you tried to use them, it didn't seem to fit. Be confident in your story because you did nail the topic. You held my attention from beginning to end. You have a great way with words.

You may want to check out Jan's Writing Basics on the message boards. She gives wonderful advice for all levels of writers and responds to each person who posts on her thread. It's a great resource.