The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
09/22/13
You wrote this beautifully. It is unique, entertaining, and ends on a wonderful note. I wouldn't be at all surprised to find this in the winner's circle.
09/23/13
During the break in the Weekly Challenge schedule, I’d like to invite you to the FaithWriters forums, where I’m holding a weekly free “class” in various writing strategies. Participation is strictly voluntary, but I give free and timely feedback on all contributions. I’d love to have you drop by! http://www.faithwriters.com/Boards/phpBB2/viewforum.php?f=67
I especially loved your 'have you heard me at last?' paragraph. I need to constantly remind myself of the wisdom you've represented there.
Nice job.
09/26/13
Congratulations! God bless~
This is a great story. You do a wonderful job of pulling the reader in with a suspense filled beginning.

You had several little errors that a good proofreader would help you catch like a missing punctuation in the quote, an ellipsis should only have three dots, and a couple of incomplete sentences. If you haven't checked out Jan's Writing Basics I would really urge you to participate. She gives expert advice.

I liked how God spoke to the organist. It makes me wonder how many times we miss hearing his voice. It's also a great message to remind us not to judge others. Congratulations!