The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
I really enjoyed this story. You did a nice job of developing the characters.

The main red ink I would offer would be to leave out details that aren't vital to the story. While sipping on a cup of coffee paints a picture, it doesn't tell us what the emotions or personality of the reader are. Instead use that space to give some insight to these things. In a longer piece, it would be okay to have fillers, but with such a short limit it's vital to connect with the readers. For example you could show Jerry's intensity at his job with something like this: Jerry thumbed through travel brochures as he sipped his coffee. "Where do you work these days?"

I really liked how you added the prayer. For me the main message of this story is we may have one agenda like introducing our friend to Jesus, but God may have a totally different plan like saving the stranger at the next table. I think you did a fine job of covering that message and I suspect others might get different messages which shows the Holy Spirit at work. Good job.
Excellent story...I really enjoyed this entire piece. So good. God bless~