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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Hum (06/06/13)
Ah! She sighed. Judy had finally reached the doctor’s office. The palms of her hands were sweating, she was nervous. She spoke to the receptionist and apologized for being late, she was somewhat relieved to be told that the doctor will still see her. Judy took a seat in the waiting area. As she sat anxious thoughts began to fill her mind. She did a biopsy about two weeks ago and she was there to know the results. Judy was terrified as both her mother and grandmother had died as a result of cancer. She was afraid that she may also have cancer.

She prayed silently. Inside she wanted to scream. Tears rolled downed her cheeks. She wondered about her husband and whether he would be there for her. He was a man who loved attractive women. She remembered what her mother’s battle with cancer was like. Could she bear losing her beautiful hair, how would she look, she wondered? Her husband did mention many years ago that it was her hair and skin that attracted him to her. Her marriage was already on the rocks and recently she realized her husband who had become cold and distant was humming love songs. Since she gave her life to Christ and decided to attend church and be more dedicated to God, her husband told her plainly that she had become such a bore. She suspected he was now being unfaithful to her. During her recent bouts of illness he hardly showed the dedication one would expect from a husband.

Judy was feeling sorry for herself. She questioned God’s love. Her faith was wavering. Sitting next to her was an old lady, a cancer patient. This woman was looking content and peaceful. Judy could tell she was humming the words of her mother’s favorite hymn ‘It is well with my soul’. As she listened she was comforted and strengthened. Judy began to hum along and the peace of God began to flow within her.

Forty-five minutes later as Judy stepped out of the doctor’s office with the results in hand she began to hum the words of a psalm - I will bless the Lord at all times his praise will be continually on my lips.

It was now seven in the evening time and Dr. Evans was now relaxing on his sofa. He reflected on the happenings of the day. His mind went back to two of clients who came into his office humming his grandmother’s favorite song. He admired the peace they displayed in spite of their adversity. He began to hum the same song. Suddenly! He heard a gentle voice asked “is it well with your soul?” Dr. Evans was convicted he knew it was time to return and give his whole heart to Jesus.
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Brenda Rice
06/13/13
Interesting approach to the topic. Cancer is a scary word. Unfaithful husbands are scary, too. I wonder what happened with her hubby?
Beth LaBuff 
06/18/13
Your MC had several battles going on in her life. I loved her attitude and mood change once she concentrated on the words of the hymn.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
06/18/13
This is a powerful story. You do a great job of developing the characters and showed the conflict right off.

You may want to try more showing and less telling. One way is to use dialog and try to stay away from passive verbs.For example: Wiping her sweaty palms on her pants, she trembled as she checked in with the receptionist. "I'm sorry I'm late. Will the doctor still see me?" The receptionist nodded so she slumped down in a chair and waited.
Though that is not perfect, I hope it shows how dialog and active verbs can paint more of a picture for the reader.

You do have a great story here though. I enjoyed how you worked the topic in a creative way. This is a story many people can relate to and it will grant them a sense of peace and hope. Good job.