The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
I really liked this story. You did a great job of showing the inner turmoil.

I did notice some missing punctuation in some of the dialog. You do a great job of showing, but every once in a while I'd stumble over a sentence like this:
Whisky. It was nothing more than a whisper in Travis mind a few minutes later as he drove by a bottle shop.
I might consider switching it around just a bit: A few minutes later, as he drove by a bottle shop, he heard a raspy whisper from the recesses of his mind. "Whiskey." He shook his head in a futile effort to rid himself of the taunting voice. "Come on, one sip..."

Overall, I think you did a fantastic job with this story. It has a great start, a powerful message, intriguing characters, and heart--everything you need for a fantastic story.
This had it all. This was compelling, moving, intense, and interesting at once.

Nicely done.

God bless~
I liked this a lot. I've always been a fan of Frank Peretti and C.S. Lewis style spiritual battle stories. Very creative. You might want to use italics for internal dialogue rather than quotation marks. You can find that process here:
or at FAQ in the Forums (very bottom)Overall, your story kept me riveted. Except, I wanted to see Deathstrike oblitterated! Fine job. Hope this places well. Keep on writing!
Wow. This story was very riveting, and held my attention from the very first sentence. Very well done. I like these kind of stories, I look forward to reading more of your writings.
Congratulations on your HC and for ranking 29 overall!
Both captivating and moving!
You did a marvelous job portraying the struggle those of us in recovery have won with the Spirit's help.
"Put on the Lord Jesus and make no provision for the flesh" Romans 13:14
was and will remain my lifetime mantra.
Well done and congratulations on placing 26th overall.
If you persevere I believe you will continue to move up in the ranks right to the top.
This was excellent! There were a few missing periods and one sentence fragment when you were talking about the length of time your MC and Sheila had been married, but it held my attention all the way through. Even more important than that was the scriptural lesson that we all as believers have angels assigned by the Father Himself to protect us. He is so good! I dated an alcoholic once for 9 months and know how poisonous addiction to alcohol can be. My Jesus and a special Al-anon group at the time were life-savers for me. Thank you for this important story. May God continue to bless you as you write for Him. Congrats on your HC and placing 29 over all!