The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 738 times
Member Comments
I think this is a beautiful testimonial about a man whom you clearly love and respected. I found myself flinching, smiling, and nodding while I read this tale.

Because it's a true story every detail is important to you, however, it may feel like the story is jumping about to some readers. It takes a lot of trial and error to perfect a story like this. One week, nor 750 words are enough to do this justice. I do hope you keep polishing it.

I do think the love and passion you felt for this man pours off the page. You touched my heart and made me think of my own childhood. I hope you keep this in a scrapbook and pass it down to your children as they will treasure at for many years. Good job and keep writing I look forward to reading more of your stories.
Your words touched my heart because of your love for your dad, it was palpable.

I felt your pain, and your love. It's hard watching a loved one die. My dad died on the operating table, the victim of an operation gone horribly wrong.They sliced through his ventricle, and he bled to death. He had many opertions prior, due to heart disease, and also multiple in a sense it was a "good way" to die, he never knew what hit him. That is how I came to move on, with the help of God.

Thanks for sharing your story. Your giving him "melted ice cream sandwiches" ripped through my heart.

God bless you~
Well done. You packed this piece with descriptions and managed to squeeze a lifetime into 750 words. Some awkward sentences and punctuation errors, but this is a piece that reads conversationally and your emotion flows throughout it. Your ending was fantastic and makes the title shine. If this is a true story,(and I assume it is) I applaud your courage. Very nice work.
This was a very tender story told with humor, courage and a special affection for your dad. Thank you so much for both writing this and sharing it with us. It was funny / clever all of the myriad of ways that you kept dropping the word sharp into your story. Of course when he was in the hospital and could no longer spar with you as you once had before that was sad. I am with C.D., the line that really got to me was the melting ice cream sandwiches. You did have an amazingly sharp ending to your story. The only ink I would give to the telling of this heart warming true-life tale is that for a 750 word limit it might have been better if you had picked a few things you wanted to share and developed those. Yet, I know just how hard it can be when you have all of these precious moments on your heart and your want to share them all. I also had trouble understanding thee two marriages and the whole godfather situation you talked about in your third paragraph, but that could be just me. Its always a little challenging for me to understand certain more complex family relationships. My heart was right with yours during the whole piece and especially toward the latter half of the piece. It was quite stirring. God Bless.
This is a very touching story and you've done a good job with it. I did find the 3rd paragraph a bit hard to understand. It is hard to pack what we want to say into the word limit and maybe this story deserved more words. Thanks for sharing what I presume is your true story.
Is this a true story? If yes, I think you should rework it without word limit. There is so much packed into this story and if it is true, there are people who need to read it.

Good writing affects the reader and your story brought tears to my eyes. There are a few grammar issues, but with practice your work will shine even more.
This story shows your compassion and in depth understanding of another human being. You wrote of his character as gruffly affectionate, and while blusterous on the outside was a softy on the inside. Your love and emotion came through in flying colors.

I agree you should write this one again without the word limit. You packed a lot into this one, thought. Loved it.
Your Dad reminds me of an uncle that I had growing up. He too has passed, but I could see him in the descriptions that you gave in this piece. What a beautiful memorial.
Ditto to all the red ink, but more importantly to all the comments.

A touching, heart-felt story with an extra special ending.

This tribute to your dad was heartwarming. Well done.
You good use of description enabled me to really know your dad - what a character. Thanks for sharing your memories!
What an incredibly touching family story! You helped me "see" your dad with your excellent descriptions and dialogue. You also gave a good portrayal of the relationship between you two. I especially liked the sentence in the first paragraph where you talked about locking horns like "two rutting elk"!

As with a couple others, I had to read the third paragraph 2 or 3 times before I finally understood the whole "two dads" and marriages thing. I agree that rewriting it as a longer version would enable you to explain the situation better.

I thought the last line was wonderful--a perfect ending for your loving remembrance! :)
Paragraph 3 seems to have puzzled a few members to begin with, and I'm no exception. The word limit is surely responsible as you've packed this story brim full of colourful description, action and dialogue. Your dad was a great character and I sense you were two of a kind. The fast pace of telling is perfect for your fiesty interaction with each other. Great job.