The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
This is an interesting story of how what we think we may want or need can really do us some harm. You did a nice job of introducing the conflict right away.

Your dialog needs a bit of polishing. Try using contractions like I've instead of I have and what's instead of what is. Things like that will help it feel more natural. I'm not exactly sure what happened in the end. Maybe it was just me but I wasn't sure if Mike had died in a car accident or perhaps God had brought him in to have a little chat with him.

It's funny how some people think that being a Christian means you can just snap your fingers and God will grant every wish. How wonderful that we have a God who gives us what we need not what we want. Keep writing, you have an interesting story and I'm sure many people can relate in one way or another.