Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Irritated (11/08/12)
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TITLE: He Got It! | Previous Challenge Entry
By Terry Atchison
11/13/12 -
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“Hey Mike. What’s up man? You having a bad day or something?” Dave was smiling at him. “Want to talk about it?” Dave was in the same small group as Mike at the church they both attended. Both men worked in an investment firm. Six months ago, Mike was promoted and received an important salary increase. It had been sometime since he had been to church or the small group meetings.
“Why not, Dave? I am sure that you will understand.” Both men installed themselves in Dave’s office.
“Been awhile since we have had a talk, Mike. We don’t see you much anymore at church. What’s going on man? Is there something I need to pray about with you?”
“Oh no! No need to pray about anything for me. That is my whole problem!”
“I don’t understand.”
“Well, it all started right after I got my promotion. We moved into a bigger home, got a new car, Jane started playing golf with her friends. Everything in our life changed for the better.”
“Well, Mike, that is just great.’
“Yes, great, very nice. You know, I work very hard now to keep up with the markets and trying to take care of Jane. She is always busy now too. We hardly ever see each other anymore. So, I have been praying a lot lately, telling God what I need. It really isn’t so much. I just want him to give me more success so that I won’t need to work anymore and be able to spend more time with Jane, having fun together. Now I have been seriously praying, every morning, for about ten minutes for this. I’ve been doing this for the past two weeks. Nothing is happening. God has forgotten that I exist! He is not giving me an answer!”
“Whoa, Mike! I think that maybe you should try thanking Him for your blessings before anything else.”
“You don’t get it either do you? He needs to help me so that I can help our couple and then we can get back into church again together. Don’t you see?”
“But man, you really need to humble yourself a little bit maybe, and thank Him for..”
“Forget it Dave! I’m outta here! You humble yourself! I will keep on praying and telling Him what I need.” Dave went stomping out of the office and to his car to go home.
As he drove, he “prayed”. “God, I know you are listening. You know what I need. I need more so that I can fix my life and be happy. Do you understand this time? What’s taking You so long to give me an answer? Time is wasting!”
White fluffy clouds reflected on the gold covered avenues in heaven. Soft music, praising the Father could be heard all around. God and Gabriel heard the resounding words of Mike. Gabriel spoke first.
“That Mike again? Persistent fellow. Not what we hoped for Master.”
God looked at Gabriel. His arms were resting at His sides, palms turned upwards. God’s eyes rolled back and then He looked at Gabriel once again, gently shaking His head from side to side.
There was a great flash and thunderous boom. Mike appeared before God and Gabriel.
“This is the best answer that I could give you, Mike!”
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Your dialog needs a bit of polishing. Try using contractions like I've instead of I have and what's instead of what is. Things like that will help it feel more natural. I'm not exactly sure what happened in the end. Maybe it was just me but I wasn't sure if Mike had died in a car accident or perhaps God had brought him in to have a little chat with him.
It's funny how some people think that being a Christian means you can just snap your fingers and God will grant every wish. How wonderful that we have a God who gives us what we need not what we want. Keep writing, you have an interesting story and I'm sure many people can relate in one way or another.