The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
This is a great story might away I'm drawn in to see what the conflict is all about.

Work on doing more showing and less telling. Instead of stating she had a sad look on her face describe what it looks like. Her lower lip protruded and the lady's word extinguished the usual spark in her blue eyes.
The descriptions help paint a picture for the reader. Also when quoting her thought, putting them in italics helps the reader recognize they're thoughts.

The ending was great. You built up suspense and I found myself biting my lip and thinking she can't die. This was right on topic and a delightful read.
I am certainly glad that Granny did not die after her precipitous drop. But she certainly learnt her lesson. Rules are there to be followed. That is why God gave us rules and we should follow them. Even though in this case the rules pertained to the safety of the water ride, she should have obeyed them. However, I like the way your story line developed.
Powerful message in an entertaining and well written entry. "Pride" kept them from listening to "Rules" - and thank God there wasn't any residual long terms affects in this story. Good job. Rules are there for a reason. I am sure the elderly MC learned her lesson well!

Thanks. God bless~
What a lovely story. I couldn't stop reading this. Pride goes before a fall. Thank you for sharing and God bless.
Hi -

Thank you -

This is a precious read. The lessons we learn at all age levels...

Yes, indeed, how we are thankful that our Lord provides grace and mercy and that He is a very present help in our times of need.

Congratulations! God Bless~
Congratulations on your HC and for placing 29th overall!