The Official Writing Challenge
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Oh wow--this was masterful. I was wondering all along who was being described--I guess I assumed it was you, the poet--and then you hit me with that last stanza. Very good, and way to make your readers read it twice! Bravo!
This is the making of something very good. You established a nice nine beat pattern but ran away in parts of the poem. Use your pencil to count the beats (hard), figure out the prosody and you have a wonderful offering.
This was breath-takingly beautiful...and really hits you in the end. Awesome.
Very nice. I would keep the last few lines in the present tense to keep the consistency. Thanks for sharing!
I believe God was much aggrieved by the Fall of Man-as much as He was joyous, with a heavy heart, when Jesus died on the cross so that we could once again walk with Him "in the cool of the day". Wonderfully touching poem:)
I want to shed a tear myself. This was so, so wonderful, beautiful, touching and heartbreaking when I read the jolt at the end. Wow! This is one on the top of my list. God bless you, littlelight
I read it because it was mistakenly "a tears"...but found it to be surprisingly awesome. The last line made me weep. Very nice.
Very beautiful! Very descriptive. I really enjoyed this!
Wow! Wonderful imagery and that last line got me too! Your words painted such a vivid picture.Nice writing!!
You've achieved such a beautifully timeless quality in this poem that comes to a sudden jarring halt with the mentioning of the name 'Adam'. Great effect!
This is a beautiful poem. I, too, was struck with that last line. Great job!
A lovely poem -wonderful images.
Beautiful descriptions. Wonderful job!
Beautiful images. Love the ending.
Wow! Stunning imagery and ideas, The end was inspired.
This was beautifully written. I loved your descriptions and how you showed Adam disrupted God's happiness with his sin. Very creative and unsuspected ending.
Wow! Agree that the tense should remain consistent throughout - last stanza will still be powerful. You are on your way to becoming a masterful poet. Well done.
Pup - Guess what? You did very well in the Fragrance Challenge. You may not have actually received an award, but you were in 8th place for Level 2, and ranked 28th overall (out of 145 entries). That's excellent, so give yourself a pat on the back. You deserve it! Love, Deb (Challenge Coordinator)
Wow. This is beautiful. I'm suprised it wasn't in the winners circle.
Keep up the good work!