Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Obedience (01/31/05)
- TITLE: I said "Give it back"
By Jess Godwin
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“Because I never promised that following me would be easy.”
“It just feels like you’re picking on me. You bring this guy into my life. He’s everything I ever prayed for and then some, and now you want me to give him back to You?”
“He was never yours in the first place.”
“I know that, but I still hoped.”
“Give those hopes back to Me. Let Me make My hopes yours.”
“Daddy, it hurts so much, but I’ll do it. I don’t want to, and you know how hard it is for me to see him now, but I’ll give it back to You.”
“Baby Girl, you have never been more beautiful than when you are bowing your heart in obedience to Me. I know you think your heart is breaking. Because this hurts you, it hurts Me. I can use you so much more effectively if you give your whole heart over to Me and not hold back any part of it. I know you care about this boy. But I love him more than you ever could. Give him back to Me.”
Most of the time, this conversation took place in the secrecy of my room. I would tell everyone goodnight, turn out the lights, and shut the door. Then, I would bury my face in my pillow and sob out the injustice of being required to give up the growing feelings for a wonderful, godly guy that I’d met. He even had eyelashes a mile long! Seeing him on his knees brought me to tears because he was humble. I loved to hear him teach and I loved being able to tell him what I was struggling with and know that he was praying. Now, I was being required to let him go? My poor cat must have thought I’d burst a pipe and was leaking from the inside out.
It’s a daily battle to be obedient to God. I have to surrender my heart to Him every day because I can’t live for Him without Him. I still cry out to Him at night when I’m alone in my room. I’m seriously considering investing in Kleenex. The great thing is that God wants me to cry out to Him and ask Him for help. He wants me to admit that I can’t live for Him on my own. I just have to be willing to do what He has said. He has given me much, and so He requires much (see Luke 12:48 NKJ). But, it’s not so much when I think of all that He gave up so that I could follow Him.
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