The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
great story! It is interesting how many people have chosen to use this topic to write about forgiveness. In my opinion you do a great job in writing this, engaging,gripping descriptive. :-)
I did have momentary confusion in not realising that Rachel's nickname was Ray. I thought ray was the fathers name..... well at least I think that it was Ray/Rachel.
I really enjoyed this.... the judges are going to have a tough time this week!
Your story is compelling and very touching. I think you did a great job of writing here. Good luck.
Lovely illustration of forgiveness. I would love to have more background on the father/daughter falling out, but it's hard to get all of that with a word count limit. Beautifully done!
What a beautiful story on forgiveness. Forgiving others trespasses is one of the hardest things for us. This was very well written and very enjoyable to read, but next time you submit a wonderful story please put a space between paragraphs. It makes it easier for us to read. Good job and keep writing.
A moving storyone that I can feel the emotions stirring within. Forgiveness is so important even when we dont feel like it, and God has forgiven us much more. Excellent work!
You have a strong, effective writing style. I enjoyed your bout with forgiveness issues but I have a couple of small suggestions. Use a space between paragraphs and your readers will love you for it. Also, using italics for her thoughts is an effective tool to learn.

Small suggestions but it is all I can come up with for such a fine entry.
My suggestions have already been made by someone else. Your details of imagery added to the story, and you showed your characters well, including your mc's emotions. I think it's fine, considering the word restrictions, to leave your readers wondering why her father had stayed away so long. I especially like your message of forgiveness, made possible by the Holy Spirit.
Congratulations on your HC. The dad's physical description showed the weight he had obviously been carrying for a very long time. Great writing.