The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 561 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
12/02/10
Great character descriptions!
They would be even stronger if you let the reader be the one that labels them: the dreamer, the admirer, etc.
(Personally, I'd rather teach 50 kindergarteners than 10 teenagers. )
I enjoyed the teachers observations of all the students in class. Thank you for a very enjoyable story.
12/03/10
i guess you must be a teacher...if not you are clearly a keen observer of character and able to give great descriptive portraits.
So many personalities! Great job with your descriptions. Right on topic. :o)
12/04/10
Your entry was well organized. I liked your realistic characterizations, even though I felt you could have developed more of a story with less characters. Still, you managed to tie it all together at the end. I liked it!
12/04/10
Nice characterization. But how would a teacher know all this stuff about the students? It's not likely they would all confide in her unless she were a very good and charismatic teacher, and then she would have to report some of the stuff. From what I see of real teachers, they do not have the time to get to really know their students so for me it was a tad unrealistic. But I am probably wrong so I wouldn't worry about it.
I like your story. I'd like to see more dialog between the students, and between the students and the teacher as a way to show the reader more about them.
12/06/10
I agree with the previous comments that fewer descriptions and more action/conflict might have improved this story a bit. I like the insight of knowing people through their body language. It's true that there is so much to discover.
I really enjoyed this. It was well written and wonderful descriptions of each student. You really did an outstanding job. It was a delight yo read!
Congratulations for placing 6th in your level! I think you did a good job and I could easily see a good teacher picking up on those clues. Keep writing and don't get discouraged, you're doing great!