The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Very authentic rustic feel to this story.

There were times when you used the -in' ending in your narrative, and times when you used -ing. I think the dialect was very effective when the girls were talking, but got to be a bit much in the narrative, and the -ing endings were the better choice.

The dialog gave this a really brisk pace--well done.
Cute story with a fun ending. I liked your characters, but was unsure of Carly's age. She seemed to talk older than she acted.

I found that the voice was inconsistent, sometimes it sounded like Carly's voice and sometimes it sounded like a narrator.

Your descriptions were very good.
Cute story. Writing was very good, especially the accent of the "Hill Country". A delightful story of growing up. Enjoyable. Nice job.
This is a delightful tale of sisterhood. I laughed aloud when the mouse was on the sister's head.
Congratulations on the top 7 in your level!