The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 824 times
Member Comments
Thank you for a gut wrenching story. Believe it or not but that happens more often then not in churches. People don't like to admit to adultery in their church, but we are all sinners and we sometimes fall into Satan's traps. Christians are not exempt from committing sins. Keep writing and God bless.
Somehow I wouldn't classify adultery as an "oops". But as far as the writing goes I would say the conversation wasn't quite that natural coming from Linda. A little work on the flow and this will read better.
Oops can be minor or major, life or death. In God's eyes they are all the same. That is why Jesus took the cross. You wrote your piece with compassion and forgiveness. Good job!
What a compassionate, sympathetic friend!

I'd suggest a little tweaking of the dialog--both punctuation and flow.

Thanks for tackling a difficult subject with compassion.
This is a story often untold, yet its existence is undeniable.

I agree that Linda's dialogue needs some brushing up, especially on its approach, which in my humble opinion, sounded more like a reprimand than help when she said "You tumbled into Satan's trap, Kathy. I'm sorry you didn't recognize it." People who are in it seldom see what's going on as a trap. Of course, that could be exactly what an insensitive 'counselor' said, but for the purpose of writing, some tweaking to make smoother reading should help. In the story, the regret, rather than remorse, appears to come in too quickly for a confession just to end the story, but I guess with the 750 words limit, not much can be done.

As for the oops, I think it appears more likely to be coming from the person who discovered what should not have been in questioning 'how is it that they are together?', rather than from the persons committing the wrong in saying 'Oops, I've committed a mistake.'

On the whole, you've done well in coming up with the plot, so persevere and keep on writing.

This does happen to a lot of people in churches. I've counseled my share. You brought a "taboo" subject to light. Good for you. I agree about the little tweaks but overall, good job.
This is a good story. Like the others said, it can be great with a little tweaking. Sometimes it's tough to convey a total picture in 750 words so I think if you expanded it for a purpose outside the challenge you would have a very thought provoking piece -- it may even be just the words someone considering adultery needs to hear. Isn't that really why we are writing -- to touch someone's heart?