Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Green (10/22/09)
- TITLE: Eyes
By Jessica Ryder
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The woods were blurred with multiple shapes of green as I sat in the spot that took me hours to jog to. I thought if I ran far enough my problems would stay behind, but they must have hitched a ride in my backpack because they found me here with ease. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
Unfortunately, as soon as my eyes were closed the green pupils of the baby in my dreams stared back at me. I gasped and quickly opened them again. There was no way to run away from this one. I set my hand on my stomach and tried not to cry.
For the last month of my life all I could think about was the problem growing in my stomach. The problem that made me sick every morning and had my mother worried I’d never get over the flu. The problem that made people wonder why I rolled down my window when they smoked on the way home from school. The problem that had me terrified every time the ball flew my way during soccer practice. It wasn’t like me to dodge a ball coming my way -- until now.
At times this problem had me wondering if I should take a puff of that cigarette, if I should stop eating completely, or if I should take an extra hard hit during practice one day. Then maybe the problem would just go away and I wouldn’t have to worry about it anymore. No one would know and no one would ever be able to whisper about me in the halls or talk about me like I’m a sinner at church. I wouldn’t have to explain that I don’t know who the father is because I have no memory of the night I lost my virginity. If I could have the ball hit me just the right way then no one would ever know.
A leaf fluttered down and landed in my lap, I picked it up and examined the lines running across its bold green surface -- reminding me of those eyes again. Those beautiful eyes that I wake up to every morning and cry in the shower over. The green eyes that match my own and make me dodge the ball when it comes my way. If it wasn’t for those eyes then maybe I could force my problem to go away.
As I folded the leaf in my hand a thought hit me so hard tears stung my eyes. Maybe this wasn’t a problem, maybe this was a blessing in disguise and I’ve been treating it as problem. Maybe this is a beautiful, green eyed baby that can change my life forever.
Yes, people will talk about me and I’ll lose friends. Yes, my mother will cry and my father will probably lock me in my room. Yes, I’ll have to quit soccer and I’ll probably get my diploma with my baby clapping in the audience but the only way I’ll ever make it through this is if I stop calling it a problem.
Everything is supposed to happen for a reason. I’m not sure why I decided to try my first beer that night I went to the party. I’m not sure why I blacked out after one drink and can’t remember anything that happened. I’m not sure why I stopped having my period and that pink line told me I was pregnant. I’m not sure why this happened to me when I wore my purity ring with pride and sat in church every single Sunday.
No, I’m not sure about any of that but I am sure that the green eyed baby growing in my stomach is not a problem. It’s a child of God and one way or another I have to realize the problem is the way I choose to handle my situation.
“Help me God, I can’t do this on my own,” I whispered and let the green leaf flutter out of my hand.
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