The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
08/08/05
"as three men were seen walking together on the other side."
Who was the the third man walking? Maybe, should have said,
"as the three men, the angel, Simon, and Jesus were seen walking inside." Simon had his final retreat. amen
God bless ya, littlelight

Good story, although I'd maybe get someone to go over it to check for minor editing spots (spelling, capitals, grammar...)
But otherwise it was a nice read. Thanks for sharing!
Great story! I liked the way you used the language you did with the old man. Makes it seem 'real'. I Also noticed a couple of spelling errors, but all in all a good story.
08/10/05
A little confusing with the conversations in the beginning. Great story though. Excellent work on the language.
08/11/05
Confusing dialog, find and editor, clean this up and it will work nicely.
I agree that some editing is in order, but in general I really enjoyed your portrayal of the old man. I could picture him in my mind...had a real connection going. I liked this very much!
I read your story, I know you meant to misspell those words. I was looking at your story as an whole. It gave me chills. I loved your description of everything. To me this was an lovely story. I could see it like I was there. Thanks for sharing it. I hope you win. Blessings! Chandra
I read your story, I know you meant to misspell those words. I was looking at your story as a whole. It gave me chills. I loved your description of everything. To me this was an lovely story. I could see it like I was there. Thanks for sharing it. I hope you win. Blessings! Chandra